before i start.....wow i wish i could jump like this: 
man, so my week of fasting is actually over....im so thankful for how blessed I was this past week thru all the struggles and triumphs......i really cant think of any other similar experience that made me feel angry, humbled, joyous, eager, and so many other emotions at the same time.... one thing i really learned is just how little willpower i have......i was incredibly humbled even by the very 1st night of my Daniel fast when seeing a heaping plate full of donkatsu (fried pork cutlets) put me in no mood to focus during an Open Door Ministry meeting for church.....i even had a specially prepared dinner by Tracey of stir-fried veggies, but i coveted the donkatsu so so bad.....so bad.... a similar thing happened on Tues and Wed during lunch at the hospital........there was no mention of wings on the menu for Tuesday, but alas i go downstairs to get some salad and there are freakin fried chicken wings in the theme bar......hunger pangs.......this probly happened cuz they had alot of wings on hand, since they also had Wing Ding bar on Wed........if it wasn't for constant prayers that i mumbled to myself, i might've just snatched a chicken wing from someone's plate and made a run for it......haha sad, but really true Thursday, i broke my fast for one night since there was Maundy Thursday dinner (Last Supper)....being able to eat meat and fish was good, but i didn't feel as overjoyed as i thought i would be.....the fellowship was incredible tho, just getting to know ppl you wouldnt usually sit down and talk with on a Sunday Saturday, i played in a basketball tournament at BU......i felt pretty famished for most of the games, thankfully my adrenaline pushed me thru each game.....but i definitely had recurrent cramping in both calves, and i really bruised up my pelvis/lower back/upper bum on a nasty fall.......shoutout to the Highrock team for playing great btw.......but yea, man any ballers out there know that the post-tournament meal is always an integral part of a tournament day haha......and i had to sit and watch friends eat crispy chicken pad thai, kim-bap, pan fried noodles, and all kinds of other patented asian meals from Super 88's food court and this leads to me some crucial lessons God really revealed to me this week: - so many times this week i thought i was going to keel over from the hunger pangs i would get......i coveted things like chicken wings, rice, bowtie pasta, jja jang myun, jjam bbong, mcnuggets, burritos......really anything i couldn't eat.....even stuff i don't usually eat, i wanted it just cuz i knew i couldn't have it......ain't that somethin?.......and even after my 1st meal on Thursday night, or being able to break fast together with friends at 1 AM on Sunday morning, all those things didn't really give me a satisfaction that would justify how much i desired it...... this pretty much reflects the sin in my life that i struggle so much with.......man things like fresh sneakers, new clothes, doing well in sports, my next meal....all these things are so small in worth compared to the bigger picture.....and i knew this in my head already, but it took the suffering i experienced first-hand during this past week to clearly see just how foolishly i covet certain things in this world - related to the suffering i just mentioned, i got a small small very small taste of maybe what Jesus went through the week before Easter......man i was sucha baby during the 1st 2 days of this fast, i didnt think i could make it to Sunday...but i just kept tryin to think how much more Jesus had to suffer for my sins and the sins of this world......it all really hit me Sunday during service.......this week really was a grueling, long week for me, and i just broke down as soon as service started.......i cant count the # of times i had to pretend like i was looking at things in the ceiling haha.......and when we were singing "Mighty to Save," i just lost all control.....i was ballin up a storm, i was just so thankful for what I had gone thru this week, and really how mighty and good God is....and it felt really good to just cry out for God - Pastor Dave really hit it on the head when he was talkin about the control we thrive on in our lives...the analogy to the 24 hour channels dedicated to knowing everything about things like the weather were so true, we just always have to know and want control over certain things...side note, i am an avid checker of the weather, especially because i fear being caught in rainy weather with the wrong sneakers.......but anyways, yea man that summed up how i felt this week during fasting at my worst points.....P Dave mentioned how when we suffer, we lose control of situations, and we feel vulnerable.........and boy did i feel vulnerable basically this whole week.....you could see it in my face how much I covet food and having all the say when it comes to what I eat.....and its never fun when you feel completely weak in the face of your own vulnerability - by the end of service on Sunday, God also revealed to me what Young Joo noted during the pre-Holy Week fasting meeting, that we can rejoice because Jesus has already gone through all the suffering and his resurrection so that we don't have to. I can rejoice because He's already gone through all the pain and anguish, and all people have to do is accept Him into their lives with a faithful heart i just praise God so much for how much i really did learn about Him, myself, and my spiritual life this past week.....it easily felt like one of the longest weeks in recent memory, but it was sucha blessing at the same time......I can't put into words what it meant in my heart all day yesterday to know that Jesus has already won the victory for us......it was an incredible Holy Week | 
